#5 looking for grief

around and around the reservoir

It has been a harrowing weekend in America. I have spent most of it alone in bed, if not on the couch. I’ve eaten mac and cheese and chocolate cake and found solace in texts from my grandmother and old episodes of Fleabag.

It is the acute grief that comes with knowing, again, and again, that our systems do not care for the poor, for women, for communities of color, nor for single moms.

In the midst of this grief, I somehow stumbled upon The Epic of Gilgamesh. Written over 4000 years ago, the epic includes a story of Gilgamesh losing his best friend to a deadly disease.

In it, Gilgamesh demands that the world echo his grief:

“Weep.
Let the roads we walked together flood themselves with tears.
Let the river which soothed our feet overflow its banks as tears do that swell and rush down my dusty cheeks.
Let the clouds and stars race swiftly with you into death.
Let the rain that makes us dream tell the story of your life tonight…”

I’ve spent so much of this weekend, looking outside for grief. I see people walking the reservoir, picking up groceries and bottles of wine from my local bottle shop. And everywhere I go, just like Gilgamesh, I’m looking for some reflection of this grief.

I know we are all feeling this. And I know that we are all processing what it means in our own ways, on our own time. But sometimes, in moments of such national emergency, I just wish I could go out, and see the roads flooded with tears.

If you’re wondering how to do something, I really recommend checking out this doc for state-specific advice.

And if you want to talk, I am of course here.

It has been a hard weekend in America.

But I am grateful to know you are all here, too.

Love,

Sophia